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Date:2010-10-17 00:05
Subject:you're one badass fucking fractal
Security:Public
Mood: contemplative

Mandelbrot's in Heaven
At least he will be when he's dead
Right now he's still alive and teaching math at Yale

(2 really bad eggs | drink up, me hearties, yo ho!)





Date:2010-08-01 17:10
Subject:thanks, Christian Science Monitor!
Security:Public

"This research could pave the way for advanced methods of enraging monkeys."

(3 really bad eggs | drink up, me hearties, yo ho!)





Date:2010-07-01 23:20
Subject:schadenfreude!
Security:Public

"Shyamalan has boiled every epic heroic story of the past 20 years down to its most basic, primal soup-y essence, so he can spray it all over the audience, in a kind of Hero's-Journey bukkake."

"So full of nothing that almost everything good about the source material had to be left out."

[Shyamalan] wanted to leave us shaking our heads and marveling at a terribleness that was not merely terrible, but a terribleness that leaves you astonished at just how very, very terrible it is."

"The dearth of racially appropriate casting in the U.S. simply means that fewer Asians were humiliated by appearing in what is surely the worst botch of a fantasy epic since Ralph Bakshi's animated desecration of The Lord of the Rings back in 1978. The actors who didn't get to be in The Last Airbender are like the passengers who arrived too late to catch the final flight of the Hindenburg."

"It's unfortunate that the one element people apparently cannot manipulate in this world is wood, as that would be the only way to extract a decent performance."

"The current national priorities should be as follows: reduce carbon emissions and stop funding the films of M. Night Shyamalan."

"It is so bad that it is one of the very few films that I can think of that would come up on the short end of the stick when compared to the infamous Battlefield Earth. It is so bad that not only could Uwe Boll make a better movie than Shyamalan has done here, he already has."

"[This movie is] like you're at a party and a dude walks up to you and starts telling you a story, but he's so drunk that he gets most of the details wrong and he gets things out of order and he skips important information and, most importantly, he's totally unaware that he's pissed his pants and his dick is showing. It's embarrassing, and you hardly know where to look."

"I believe M. Night can ruin the world."

And maybe best of all for the irony factor, from a review that seems unaware of the casting controversy:

"Ringer has no range as an actor. There is no depth in this performance, no excitement in his eyes. Sure, he gets to do some kung fu movements to control the air and water, but Jaden Smith could knock this kid on his butt in a second."



YOU HAVE BEEN DEFEATED FOR ALL TIME! YOU WILL NEVER RISE FROM THE ASHES OF YOUR SHAME AND HUMILIATION!

...ahem.

Anyway, Karate Kid is honestly pretty awesome. Good writing, great fight choreography, Jackie Chan is brilliant in all the ways he always is, and Jaden Smith - I can't remember the last time I saw a child actor carry a movie this well. You can already see his dad's charisma in him, and he hasn't even hit puberty yet; he's going to be huge.

Go see it, and wait on Airbender till you can pirate it to laugh at without paying money.

(9 really bad eggs | drink up, me hearties, yo ho!)





Date:2010-06-30 13:43
Subject:
Security:Public

Hey guys, The Last Airbender: Now With 60% More White People is being released tomorrow. I'm going to acknowledge the occasion by going to see Karate Kid instead, and you should do it too, because I can't think of anything that would send a clearer message to Hollywood than having Airbender beaten at the box office by a kid-oriented martial arts movie that has black and Asian stars.

Or even better, take the money you would've spent on tickets for you and some friends and buy the collector's edition of the first season of the show instead. That's far more worth your time and money, and unlike Shyamalan, the guys who worked on the show actually deserve your support, especially now that they have to watch their baby ruined on the big screen.

And if you really must see Airbender, just buy a ticket to Karate Kid and sneak in, okay? For me?

(8 really bad eggs | drink up, me hearties, yo ho!)





Date:2009-10-10 12:58
Subject:
Security:Public

YOU GUYS ONE OF THE OTHER STUDENTS IN MY SIX-PERSON, 50% FEMALE GRAD SCHOOL COHORT IS A FEMALE CONSOLE GAMER HOW AWESOME IS THAT

GRAD SCHOOL IS GOING TO FUCKING ROCK.

also: WHAT AM I DOING TRANSLATING PLATO I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER ANY GREEK HELP

(6 really bad eggs | drink up, me hearties, yo ho!)





Date:2008-12-13 02:37
Subject:
Security:Public

SHYAMALAN!

WHAT THE HELL, MAN. I WAS WILLING TO TRUST YOU WITH THIS. "As long as they don't cast a bunch of white kids" - I remember saying that when news of the live-action movie first came out.

Geez. Asian and Indian kids deserve to see heroes that look like them once in a while. And, hell, Jesse McCartney as Zuko? That's just adding insult to injury.

(2 really bad eggs | drink up, me hearties, yo ho!)





Date:2008-11-05 02:48
Subject:
Security:Public

So, listen, I guarantee I am at least as excited as you are about Obama's win, and also I'm pretty drunk right now, but here's the thing most of my friendslist probably doesn't appreciate about this election.

We took Virginia. Virginia the capitol of the Confederacy, Virginia that hasn't gone blue since a Democrat signed the Civil Rights Act. My homeland redeeming its own original sin. There'll be a day soon when I can say I'm proud to be a southerner and people won't think it means the Stars-and-Bars.

We might yet take North Carolina.

(1 really bad egg | drink up, me hearties, yo ho!)





Date:2008-11-04 17:21
Subject:or else you'll make Cap sad
Security:Public

VOTE, MOTHERFUCKERS.

(4 really bad eggs | drink up, me hearties, yo ho!)





Date:2008-10-04 13:42
Subject:
Security:Public

On the last debateCollapse )

(5 really bad eggs | drink up, me hearties, yo ho!)





Date:2008-08-29 17:45
Subject:
Security:Public

I ATEN'T DEAD.

(12 really bad eggs | drink up, me hearties, yo ho!)





Date:2007-07-03 22:35
Subject:the right of all sentient beings
Security:Public
Mood: happy

You guys! If you ever have a chance to quit your job, move, and go on vacation at the same time, DO IT. I'm drunk on freedom. And scotch. But mostly freedom.

(1 really bad egg | drink up, me hearties, yo ho!)





Date:2007-06-20 22:55
Subject:
Security:Public
Mood: excited

OMG I just got back from my last Jeet Kune Do class IT WAS AWESOME.

I've known all along there was a JKD place somewhere in Oak Park, and I'd actually been deliberately avoiding it, because I knew perfectly well I couldn't afford it. Shelling out for this last month of classes was my going-away present to myself before I move.

It's been about six years since I could practice martial arts regularly, and I've missed it SO MUCH. JKD's very different from karate, both in terms of the culture (you call the instructor, say, "Mr. Calderone" rather than "Sensei Tony" or "Sifu" or even "Coach"...and on the other hand, the grappling instructor just goes by Mike) and techniques (Shotokan is a very hard style, all straight lines, and it's very weird to be bouncing around throwing hook punches like a boxer). But it's been very gratifying just to realize how instinctive a lot of karate habits have become, stuff that in some cases I never noticed I still did automatically until I started trying not to do them - turn over your fist when you punch, bring your chin down to your chest, bring your hands up when you kick and your foot back after, mirror the instructor. Everyone was friendly and sad about it being my last class, too, and made me promise to keep in touch.

Oh, and the other thing I will really miss is watching the children's class before mine, because I had forgotten how awesomely spaztastic little kids are when they do martial arts. And the instructors call them "junior warriors." You can't beat that. "Okay, line up, Junior Warriors! Sensei says do a spinning backfist! ...Just one spin, buddy, you can stop now!"

I have got to find another dojo ASAP once I move. I need to be doing this.

One more day! I'm so excited.

(2 really bad eggs | drink up, me hearties, yo ho!)





Date:2007-06-13 14:32
Subject:jessica plz don't read this
Security:Public

well, fuck, i never thought it was really gonna happen, but it's all over cnn and the bbc and oh god the smell and i think i even saw one. don't worry, she shambled off down the street after somebody, no sign of her for a couple hours.

no sign of the roommates, no cell phone service and i don't think any good will come of waiting. i made sure not to clean out all the supplies in case they make it back. the panic's already started and i found a jeep on the street with the door open and keys on the ground and, yeah, some blood splattered. i'm stealing it and getting out of chicago asap. no guns, no weapons, all i could grab was a broom to try and beat them off if necessary and a can of pepper spray that probably won't work, but i've got food and water.

i trust that you guys in c&g are already enacting the plan. just bad luck that it happened after graduation when we're scattered all over the country, but there should stil be enough of us around for it to work and fuck if i've got a better idea anyway. i don't know if i can find cedar rapids from here but if i can i'll meet you guys at wal-mart.

zachy, don't worry about me and stay where you are. safer out there; we'll come to you. work on getting a base ready for us, if you can. i'll make contact whenever it's possible. love you.

love to everybody, really. do what you can, stay safe, i hope we find each other. good luck.

it's a damn good thing we had a plan.





(drink up, me hearties, yo ho!)





Date:2007-06-03 15:47
Subject:pirate in a ninja's world
Security:Public

What L5R Clan are you?Collapse )

I'd forgotten about the Mantis, actually. I was kind of expecting Unicorn.

(3 really bad eggs | drink up, me hearties, yo ho!)





Date:2007-05-24 10:36
Subject:
Security:Public

I can't decide if this AMV is horrible or unbelievably awesome.

(14 really bad eggs | drink up, me hearties, yo ho!)





Date:2007-05-09 17:19
Subject:
Security:Public

Former professor of mine at Cornell this weekend: "Well, here's what you can do for getting into grad school - go find some professor at the University of Chicago who's really well-known in their field, and ask to audit a class. Then you can be really impressive, and they'll put in a good word for you with graduate programs."

That is a genius idea, Katy. Perhaps you could have mentioned it when I first moved to Chicagoland instead of two months before my lease runs out and the school year ends. *headdesk*

(5 really bad eggs | drink up, me hearties, yo ho!)





Date:2007-05-02 13:23
Subject:
Security:Public

Sent in another article to the newspaper today. Same editor, and I didn't even have to hound him this time, he sent me the assignment all on his own.

I think getting a second article is maybe even more exciting than the first one, in a quiet sort of way; it's like the first time you ever get a second date. Apparently I really am a professional writer now, and that's weird. Weird in a totally awesome way! But weird.

I mean. People pay me to write stuff. That's ridiculous.

Anyway, Jencon! I should be at Cornell tonight if all goes as planned. Do not forget that Sunday will be MY BIRTHDAY! Stay tuned for amazing ASHLEY'S BIRTHDAY festivities! I do not know what sort of festivities yet, but I am sure they will happen. And be amazing.

(3 really bad eggs | drink up, me hearties, yo ho!)





Date:2007-04-13 11:56
Subject:Good night.
Security:Public

"Do you know what a Humanist is? I am honorary president of the American Humanist Association, having succeeded the late, great science fiction writer Isaac Asimov in that functionless capacity. We Humanists try to behave well without any expectation of rewards or punishments in an afterlife. We serve as best we can the only abstraction with which we have any real familiarity, which is our community.

We had a memorial services for Isaac a few years back, and at one point I said, "Isaac is up in Heaven now." It was the funniest thing I could have said to a group of Humanists. I rolled them in the aisles. It was several minutes before order could be restored. And if I should ever die, God forbid, I hope you will say, 'Kurt is up in Heaven now.' That's my favorite joke."


-Kurt Vonnegut (1922-2007). Kurt's up in Heaven now.

(1 really bad egg | drink up, me hearties, yo ho!)





Date:2007-03-27 12:38
Subject:not at all ripped off from McSweeney's, seriously
Security:Public

Things I Have Overheard In The Coffee Shop Where I Work That Would Make Good Writing Prompts, If You’re Into That Sort Of Thing:

“So I said, you’re either my wife, or you’re not--”

“Well, my friend was gonna get arrested and I was trying to save him, so I jumped on the cop’s back--”

“Oh! Did you know the Japanese are eating all the sea cucumbers that are in Ecuador?”

“If he can’t afford another woman, I don’t think he’s got anything to worry about.”

“—from Ohio. But they were gonna euthanize her!”

“You can’t find anything good to eat there, we had a hundred dollar a day food budget and we just ended up going to the convenience store every day--”

“…looking for a book called Well-Bred or Dead…”

“--looked like Elizabeth Taylor, and she wanted me to move out there to her mansion. So I ended it. I mean, do you know how much it costs, taking care of a countess?”


If any of this inspires you, by all means post whatever you write in the comments.

(4 really bad eggs | drink up, me hearties, yo ho!)





Date:2007-03-15 09:23
Subject:Okay, sometimes I really do enjoy Codename: Kids Next Door
Security:Public

"It's time to put the irate back in pirate, people!"

(drink up, me hearties, yo ho!)




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